Top 10 Signs of an Insecure Man, and why they drive women away


Relationships can be incredibly difficult in the modern age, with the advent of Okcupid, Tinder and other dating sites. New partners and experiences are only a swipe away, and it is common for people to feel insecure in this new dating landscape. Masculine insecurity is nothing new, and there certainly are examples of the insecure man going all the way back through history. Who built those pyramids in Egypt, we might wonder. Perhaps they were built for religious reasons, but maybe a young King Tut was hoping that a lover would overlook his below average height. However, an insecure man is not fit for a relationship, and these destructive habits are clear warning signs that your relationship might not be as happy as you deserve. Look over the list that we’ve compiled below and see if your man has any of these indicators of trouble.

1. He’s Smothering

Couples often spend a lot of time together when they first start dating, so this might not seem unusual. However, the smotherer goes way beyond what is appropriate to expect for a partner. If he can’t stand you going out on your own and insists on spending all of your waking hours together, you have a problem and potentially a stalker if things go south.

2. The Insecure Man Can’t Share

If your insecure man is trying to limit your friendships, especially with other males, then this is a classic red flag of insecurity and bad behavior. This is a common tactic of cult leaders, among other unsavory folk. If he can’t handle you being your own person and spending time apart from him on your interests and friends, he’s not the man for you.

3. He constantly accuses you of cheating

This behavior stems out of an insecurity in his perceived self-worth, and he is expecting your behavior to boost his lack of self esteem with your affection. Don’t do it! This is definitely a red flag, and his constant needs for validation are an emotional lever that he is using to manipulate you. It is doubtful that he actually thinks that you are cheating or being unfaithful, it is just an inappropriate way for him to seek attention and affection. It’s immature and selfish.

4. The Insecure Man is co-dependent on you

Ladies, if your man is leaning on you for emotional support, financial support, or expecting you to be the source of his self esteem, then you have a major problem and need to cut the cord. You can’t be responsible for his self worth and yours too, and at the end of the day you are the most important person for you to be taking care of. Emotional support is a two-way street, and if you aren’t getting your fair share you need to reconsider your relationship.

5. He’s always playing the make up/break up game

This tactic is common in emotionally abusive relationships. During a fight he’ll suggest breaking off the relationship, and suddenly he grows cold towards you. You’re reminded of how much you love him, and suddenly you’re begging for him to forgive you when you did nothing wrong. This tactic is very effective and manipulative, which is why so many women fall for it. Don’t let that be you! His insecurities and emotional problems leave him feeling incredibly exposed, which is why he wants you to participate in this emotional test with him.

6. The Insecure Man tries to change your appearance

This problem can cut both ways, so bear with me. The first outcome is that your man is upset with you getting dolled up or wearing makeup. He feels that you are dressing up to attract other men, so you can leave him/cheat/whatever his insecure man brain is thinking. Odds are, you’re getting dressed up because you like it an it’s fun to get dolled up for a night on the town. Don’t let your man tell you how you should look, that’s entirely your choice to control your own body. Alternatively, your man could be pushing you to dress or look more like him. He may goad you into throwing away your “old” clothes you can get “new” ones that he likes better. This is yet another attempt to control your self expression and sense of self worth. He may be nagging you to get into the gym so you look “hot” for him. This is another emotionally abusive tactic. If you want to go to the gym or dress up or dress down, do it because you want to! You deserve the best.

7. He insults you

This is standard playground logic at work. Sadly, a lot of men seem to not have grown out of it. He is feeling bad, and the easiest way to make him feel good is to make you feel worse. Sound familiar? This tactic is incredibly selfish and toxic to everyone around this person. You are not his punching bag and it’s not your job to prop up his self esteem.

8. He is fishing for compliments

This tactic is a staple in the insecure man’s handbook. He may say that he’s a loser, that you deserve better, etc. But he’s not actually feeling this way, he expects you to swoop in and brush away these concerns. His constant self depreciation serves to make you the source of his self esteem, rather than an inner sense of wellbeing. This never ends well for either party. Abandon ship!

9. He’s the jealous type

Has he ever gotten enraged by you talking with other men? Convinced that you’re going to leave him or that the waiter was trying to seduce you while reading the drink specials? Tries to keep you from talking with other men at social events? All of these are warnings of jealous and possessive male behavior, and are definite relationship red flags.

10. He stalks your social media/technology use

While the traits of being possessive and insecure are nothing new in relationships, the modern insecure male may be taking these relationship woes (real or imagined) into cyberspace. Is he commenting on all of your facebook statuses, making sure that others know of your relationship? Asking why you have male friends on facebook or other social media? Asking to see your private messages or demanding passwords to your social media account? Avoid these manipulative behaviors, he has no right to monitor your behavior like that. If he can’t handle it then it’s probably time for him to hit the road.

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